In this episode, I teach a lesson on the importance of family values and I encourage you to have your family and children listen together. Each of us lives by a set of values that guides our behavior, helps us make decisions, and tells us what is right and wrong.
We display our values everyday by the way we speak and act. The decisions we make, the way we use our time, and how we spend our money all reveal our values.
The rules we have in our families are a result of our values--the things we think are really important. It’s vital that everyone knows the difference between what’s really important and what doesn’t matter too much.
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This is Solutions for Families – where parents come with problems and leave with solutions. I’m Paula Fellingham – thank you for joining me!
Hello and welcome! Today’s episode is about the importance of family values.
Each of us lives by a set of values that guides our behavior, helps us make decisions, and tells us what is right and wrong. We display our values everyday by the way we speak and act. The decisions we make, the way we use our time, and how we spend our money all reveal our values.
“My son just doesn’t have any values,” complained an annoyed father. “Well,” said his friend, “just what are your family’s values?” “Ah, ummm, well, uhh...” the first man stammered, “I guess I just haven’t thought about it that way.”
Often we haven’t really thought about our values. We haven’t thought about why people believe and act differently than we do. Discussing the differences in our beliefs can help us understand one another. Understanding our differences can promote a healthy tolerance for other people.
The rules we have in our families are a result of our values--the things we think are really important. It’s vital that everyone knows the difference between what’s really important and what doesn’t matter too much. Is not getting a haircut as important as not going to school? What can be negotiated and what is non-negotiable?
In some families, everything is negotiable. In other families, nothing is negotiable. In still other families, what is negotiable and what isn’t changes from day to day.
It is possible to be flexible and still be firmly based in solid values. The key is to decide what values are strictly non-negotiable, as opposed to the things each family member can decide on their own. There are certain issues that require absolute obedience. President Abraham Lincoln said in his last public address, “Important principles may and must be inflexible.” These inflexible rules need to be clearly defined and understood by all family members. On less important issues family members may choose for themselves. Many families quarrel about things that aren’t on the “really important” list, and parents spend time being irritated unnecessarily. First parents, then families together, need to decide on important rules that must be obeyed and then “don’t sweat the small stuff.”
Today people sometimes avoid declaring right from wrong. “After all,” they say, “everyone has the right to their own ideas, and who is to say that parents should impose their thinking on their children?” Parents may argue that they don’t want to require a lot of “do’s” and don’ts.” However, families who do not have a clear core of moral values deprive their children of a solid basis for approaching life. Children want and need boundaries. They need to be taught that in life there are principles of truth which, if lived, will bring happiness. If those principles, or moral values, are not a part of your life, the consequence is unhappiness. People in strong families are not afraid to talk about values. They don’t crumble if everyone doesn’t agree with their point of view. They know where they stand and they're willing to be recognized for it.
Children from such families are able to move into society and do what they know is right, not just what others say they should. The more candid the discussion of values in the home, the better prepared family members are to act in harmony with their own standards. If decisions are made not just on the basis of what is easiest, cheapest, fastest, or what will “pay off,” but what would be the right thing to do, children develop a higher sense of moral behavior. Such children would not have the same fuzzy thinking a college student did who explained that he had stolen a bike because “it wasn’t locked.” To this student his behavior was the fault of someone else. When people behave according to a set of clear standards, their sense of self-worth and self-respect is elevated. We define ourselves by our values.
Of course, the most important way to teach good moral values is by the example set in the home. Albert Schweitzer said, “There are three ways to teach a child. The first is by example. The second is by example. And the third is by example.” Actions speak louder than words. What we do carries more weight than all the warnings and admonitions we can give. The poet Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “What you are is ringing so loudly in my ears I can’t hear what you’re saying.” To the best of our ability, we need to live the values we believe.
Okay, my friends. Until the next episode, have a beautiful day and please subscribe to my podcast, tell your friends about Solutions for Families, and come see me on paulafellingham.com. As always, I send you my love….