Solutions for Families

Lesson for Families: How to Listen Well

Episode Summary

In this episode, I teach a lesson on how to listen well and I encourage you to have your family and children listen together. Listening is more than just hearing words. Listening with empathy is one of the greatest gifts we can give another person.

Episode Notes

Listening is more than just hearing words.  It is trying to understand a person’s message and their feelings. When we listen, it shows that we care.  Careful listening also increases our empathy for people’s feelings. 

When we listen we should:

1.  Show we’re listening. 

2.  Be interested in what the person is saying and concentrate on their words.

3.  Never  interrupt.

4.  Watch the speaker’s body language.  

5.  Actively listen.

 As we listen with open hearts and minds to the messages we hear, we will learn much, and discover how we can best contribute to the happiness of others.

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Episode Transcription

This is Solutions for Families – where parents come with problems and leave with solutions. I’m Paula Fellingham – thank you for joining me!

Hello and welcome! Today’s episode is how to listen well.

Listening is more than just hearing words.  It is trying to understand a person’s message and their feelings. When we listen, it shows that we care.  Careful listening also increases our empathy for people’s feelings.  Empathy means to mentally put yourself in the other person’s place, so you can better understand their thoughts and concerns.  Listening with empathy is one of the greatest gifts we can give another person.

When we listen we should:

1.  Show we’re listening.  We can do this by facing the person, maintaining eye contact, and having an interested facial expression.

2.  Be interested in what the person is saying and concentrate on their words. 3.  Never  interrupt.

4.  Watch the speaker’s body language.  We all communicate much through our facial expressions, posture, etc.

5.  Actively listen.  We should check if we understand by paraphrasing or repeating what the speaker says occasionally.  This lets them know we’re listening and interested.

Example:    Speaker: “I’m really angry!” 

       Don’t ask why or give advice, just repeat part of what they said. 

       Listener: “You’re angry?”

       Speaker: “Yea, some kids at school laughed at me.”

       Again, repeat their comments.

       Listener: “They laughed at you?”

       Speaker:   “Yea, I dropped my papers during my history report, and...”

6.  Respond kindly.  When the time is right, we should use empathy as we share our feelings about what has been said, in a way that will help the person.

Listening with love is a virtue we should all desire and seek to acquire.  As we listen with open hearts and minds to the messages we hear, we will learn much, and discover how we can best contribute to the happiness of others.

Story

This is a story that tells how Thomas Edison, a famous American inventor, made a lot of money simply by using his ears instead of his mouth. 

When the Western Union Company offered to buy Tomas Edison’s newly invented telegraph ticker, Edison had no idea how much to ask for it.  He asked for, and was granted, a few days to think about the purchase price. 

Edison and his wife talked about the offer.  Although stunned by Mrs. Edison’s suggestion to ask for $20,000, he hesitantly agreed and set out to meet Western Union officials.

“What price have you decided on?” the Western Union representative asked.

When Edison attempted to tell him $20,000, the figure stuck to the roof of his mouth.  He stood speechless for a moment.  Impatient with the silence, the Western Union business person finally blurted, “How about $100,000 for the invention?”

Activity

For this activity we need one person to be the speaker and one person to be the listener.  

First, the speaker will tell the listener something interesting that happened to him, anytime in his life.  The listener should use the six listening skills from the lesson:

1.  Show you’re listening. (Face the person, have eye contact, show interest.)

2.  Be interested and concentrate.

3.  Don’t interrupt.

4.  Watch the speaker’s body language.

5.  Actively listen. (Paraphrase or repeat what the listener says.)

6.  Respond kindly.

Second, after the speaker finishes, the two participants switch roles and the listener becomes the speaker.

In the manual “Celebrating Family Strengths” researchers at the University of Oklahoma’s Southwest Prevention Center offer valuable information about the skill of listening.  They write, “Don’t think all listening is something you do just for others.  There are some great payoffs for those who listen.”  Benefits for listeners:

  1. You gain knowledge.  You can learn a great deal of new information about people and about ideas when you listen.  This increases understanding of what is meant, as well as of what is said.
  2. Listening stimulates the speaker’s expression of ideas and feelings.  When you know you are being listened to sincerely and with empathy, you’re encouraged to continue speaking and to express your heartfelt ideas and feelings.
  3. You become a trusted person.  How many times have we heard the statement, “To have a friend you must be one?”  This applies to families, too.  When you listen well you are building trust with the speaker, who feels relaxed, comfortable and secure in your attention.
  4. Good listening encourages cooperation from others.  When you are genuine in your attention, you encourage others to be genuine as well.  Sincere interest in your family members often leads to respect and cooperation.  This, in turn, can foster a sharing of ideas and a sense of mutual accomplishment.
  5. You can reduce tension and prevent trouble.  Your careful listening gives the other person a chance to “let off steam” before he or she reaches the boiling point.  If you learn to listen carefully before you speak, you often can prevent many minor problems before they become major ones.  
  6. Listening can be fun.  Active listening, or listening with your heart as well as your ears, can increase your enjoyment as a listener.  You may actually learn to hear on higher, more positive levels of communication.

Good, effective listening has two key elements:  

1. LISTENING AND OBSERVING.

2. LETTING THE SPEAKER KNOW THAT YOU ARE LISTENING AND OBSERVING.

For many people learning to listen is difficult.  Society emphasize speaking, and the other end of the communication- listening- is often ignored. However, communication is not a one-way street; it requires both speaking and listening.

Okay, my friends. Until the next episode, have a beautiful day and please subscribe to my podcast, tell your friends about Solutions for Families, and come see me on paulafellingham.com. As always, I send you my love….