In this episode, I teach a lesson on how to communicate openly, honestly and frequently, and I encourage you to have your family and children listen together. One characteristic of a strong family is communication that is kind, open, frequent and honest.
Sometimes we expect others to know exactly what we want, or need, even when we say little or nothing at all. Perhaps unkind remarks by others keep us from being open and honest--we’re afraid of being hurt or embarrassed. It’s very important that family members say only kind, supportive things when someone is sharing their feelings. We should never laugh, or criticize in any way.
When we can say what we really think to supportive family members, good things usually happen:
∙ We know our family cares about us.
∙ We believe our opinions and concerns are important.
∙ Problems are prevented because they are discussed in advance.
∙ Problems are solved more easily because several people help find solutions.
∙ Our family is closer and stronger because we help one another.
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This is Solutions for Families – where parents come with problems and leave with solutions. I’m Paula Fellingham – thank you for joining me!
Hello and welcome! Today’s episode is how to communicate openly, honestly and frequently.
One characteristic of a strong family is communication that is kind, open, frequent and honest. There may be no single thing more important in any relationship than good communication.
Sometimes we expect others to know exactly what we want, or need, even when we say little or nothing at all. Perhaps unkind remarks by others keep us from being open and honest--we’re afraid of being hurt or embarrassed. It’s very important that family members say only kind, supportive things when someone is sharing their feelings. We should never laugh, or criticize in any way. Instead we should try to understand how the person is feeling, and listen with the intent to help them. When everybody in a family knows they’re being listened to and their concerns are being considered, there’s a sense of belonging and trust.
It is very important that we communicate openly with one another. When we can say what we really think to supportive family members, good things usually happen:
∙ We know our family cares about us.
∙ We believe our opinions and concerns are important.
∙ Problems are prevented because they are discussed in advance.
∙ Problems are solved more easily because several people help find solutions.
∙ Our family is closer and stronger because we help one another.
In our efforts to be open and honest, we should always remember to be kind. In the name of “honesty” sometimes we can easily hurt feelings, and weaken relationships. We should be sensitive to the feelings of others as we speak. In the Disney movie, “Bambi,” the rabbit Thumper gave wonderful advice: “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.”
∙ Can we say what we really feel in our family?
∙ What are some of the reasons we don’t share our feelings?
∙ What can we do to help each other “open up?”
Story
One day not long before the end of World War II, a young man in Germany named Reimund saw two airmen parachuting out of an enemy plane that had been shot down. Like many other curious citizens who had seen the parachutists falling through the afternoon sky, 11-year-old Reimund went to the city’s central square to wait for the police to arrive with the prisoners of war. Eventually two policemen arrived with two British prisoners in tow. They would wait in the city square for a car to take the British airmen to a prison where prisoners of war were kept.
When the crowd saw the prisoners, there were angry shouts of “Kill them! Kill them!” No doubt they were thinking of the heavy bombings their city had suffered at the hands of the British. Many of the crowd had come from their fields with pitchforks, shovels and other tools.
Reimund looked at the faces of the British prisoners. They were only 19 or 20 years old. He could see that they were very frightened. He could also see that the two policemen, whose duty it was to protect the prisoners, were no match for the angry crowd.
Reimund knew he had to do something, and he had to do it quickly. He ran to place himself between the prisoners and the crowd. He turned to face the crowd and shouted for them to stop. Not wanting to hurt the boy, the crowd held back for a moment, long enough for Reimund to tell them: “Look at these prisoners. They’re young! They are just like your own sons...they’re only doing what your sons are doing...fighting for their country. If your sons were shot down in a foreign country and became prisoners of war, you wouldn’t want the people there to kill them. So please don’t hurt these soldiers!”
Reimund’s fellow townspeople listened in amazement, then shame. Finally, a woman said, “It took a little boy to tell us what is right and what is wrong.” The crowd dispersed.
Reimund will never forget the look of tremendous relief and gratitude on the faces of the young British soldiers.
Discussion
1. If you were Reimund, would you have done the same thing he did?
2. Do we speak up at home, school or work for what we know is right or wrong? If no, why don’t we speak up?
3. Can anyone tell about a time when he or she spoke up for what was right?
Activity
Family members will all take turns doing this activity. One person asks a question to another family member. The person who answers the question needs to be completely honest, although kind, in his or her response. The two family members should talk to each other in a very open, totally honest way. Listeners should respond only positively. Try to use the skills which were taught in the lessons on listening and positive words.
1. What is something that happened during the last year which made you happy?
2. What is one thing you dislike about yourself?
3. What is one thing that gets you angry?
4. What is one thing you think our family can do to be happier?
5. What do you think you can do to make our family better?
Okay, my friends. Until the next episode, have a beautiful day and make sure you subscribe to my podcast, tell your friends about Solutions for Families, and come see me at paulafellingham.com. As always, I send you my love….
Here’s a quick question…Are you ready to have a more loving, peaceful family?With my 7 Step Parenting Course you can enjoy more love and peace in your home than perhaps you’ve ever dreamed of! If you’re ready for less contention and more kindness, this course is for you. AND, on paulafellingham.com you can sign up for my free parenting webinar where I share tips and solutions for families that really work! I’ll see you on the webinar!