In this episode, I teach a lesson on how to create family rules and consequences and I encourage you to have your family and children listen together. It's important to have rules in a family for order and peace to exist. When all family members help make the rules, children take the responsibility of helping to set their own limits.
In life there are rules--at home, at school and in the community. It’s important to have rules in a family for order and peace to exist. When all family members help make the rules, children take the responsibility of helping to set their own limits. Families should gather together and decide on family rules. Then the rules need to be obeyed by all family members.
When children help create family rules and consequences, when they disobey, they are disobeying rules which they once agreed upon. When it becomes necessary for parents to enforce rules and consequences, it is best to be kind and firm at the same time. Gentle words and loving actions show kindness.
With everyone helping, create some family rules. Then decide on consequences for obedience or disobedience to the rules.
∙ Have one person write down all ideas suggested.
∙ Everyone should have a chance to share their ideas about what would be good rules for your family.
∙ Remember to keep your rules few and simple.
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This is Solutions for Families – where parents come with problems and leave with solutions. I’m Paula Fellingham – thank you for joining me!
Hello and welcome! Today’s episode is how to create family rules and consequences.
In life there are rules--at home, at school and in the community. It’s important to have rules in a family for order and peace to exist. When all family members help make the rules, children take the responsibility of helping to set their own limits. Families should gather together and decide on family rules. Then the rules need to be obeyed by all family members.
A consequence is what happens as a result of a choice. When rules are obeyed, good consequences usually follow. When rules are disobeyed, unpleasant consequences follow.
After creating family rules, everyone can decide on the consequences for disobedience. To best change behavior, whenever possible, the consequence should relate to the rule that was disobeyed.
Example: Child disobeys and returns home late after dinner is over. Possible consequences are that he fixes his own dinner, or waits until morning to eat.
Example: Child forgets to take his homework to school. A possible consequence is that he receives a lower grade, then he does extra-credit work to raise his grade.
Consequences can be used inappropriately. For example, if a student's grades are unacceptable, and the consequence is removal from the one school activity that the student likes, then he may have even less desire to go to school. It would be more appropriate to have the consequence for falling grades be extra study time in the evening, under parental supervision. When deciding on rules and consequences as a family, be careful to make them reasonable and do-able.
When children help create family rules and consequences, when they disobey, they are disobeying rules which they once agreed upon. Then parents can simply empathize with their children's bad decisions, and remind them of the previously agreed upon consequence which they'll now experience because of the wrong choices they made.
When it becomes necessary for parents to enforce rules and consequences, it is best to be kind and firm at the same time. Gentle words and loving actions show kindness. Consistent follow-through with appropriate consequences shows firmness. An example of firmness: “I’m willing to have Jerry stay overnight only if both of you agree to go to bed by 10 o’clock.” There needs to be appropriate follow-through if the children disobey. This could mean that the parents take Jerry home or he isn’t allowed to spend the night again.
It is important to understand that obedience to rules prepares family members for life outside the home, and obedience will bring a greater measure of peace and happiness inside the home.
Story
The Canadian North lands have only two seasons: winter and July. As the back roads begin to thaw, they become muddy and vehicles traveling through the back country leave deep ruts. The ground freezes hard during the winter months, and the highway ruts become a part of the traveling challenges. For vehicles entering this undeveloped area during the winter, there is a sign which reads, “Driver, choose carefully which rut you drive in because you’ll be in it for the next 20 miles.”
Choose carefully the path your life takes. Once you choose, your choices often will control you. It will be difficult to get out of your “ruts.” There are consequences in life for the choices we make.
Activity
With everyone helping, we’re going to create some family rules. Then we’ll decide on consequences for obedience or disobedience to the rules.
∙ Have one person write down all ideas suggested.
∙ Everyone should have a chance to share their ideas about what would be good rules for your family.
∙ Remember to keep your rules few and simple.
Example: One family member may say, “I think we should have a rule of no hitting in our family.” We’ll write that down. Then someone might say, "We should each keep our bedroom clean." We will get everyone’s ideas for rules. (Remember to be kind, and make only positive comments to each other.) Then we’ll talk about which ideas should become our family rules.
Now let’s make a list of our family rules and display them somewhere in our home.
Then let's discuss the consequences for obeying our family rules.
Examples: The consequence for not hitting one another is helping to create peace and a loving atmosphere in our home.
A consequence for keeping bedrooms clean is a tidy home which contributes to family peace, order and well-being.
Next, let’s decide on the consequences for disobeying the rules.
Example: A consequence for hitting would be to apologize, then go away from the family for a few minutes to think about being kind next time.
A possible consequence for not keeping a bedroom clean is staying in the messy room and not participating in enjoyable activities until the room is clean.
Suggestions for Family Rules
1. Be Kind: Includes using a kind tone of voice, helping one another, eliminating criticism and unacceptable words, and treating others as you’d like to be treated.
2. Obey: Includes obedience to all of the accepted behaviors for your family.
Examples:
1. Say “please” and “thank you.”
2. Talk, don’t whine.
3. Love, don’t hit.
4. Walk, don’t run in the house.
5. Call if you’ll be later than the curfew agreed upon.
Okay, my friends. Until the next episode, have a beautiful day and make sure you subscribe to my podcast, tell your friends about Solutions for Families, and come see me at paulafellingham.com. As always, I send you my love….
Here’s a quick question…Are you ready to have a more loving, peaceful family?With my 7 Step Parenting Course you can enjoy more love and peace in your home than perhaps you’ve ever dreamed of! If you’re ready for less contention and more kindness, this course is for you. AND, on paulafellingham.com you can sign up for my free parenting webinar where I share tips and solutions for families that really work! I’ll see you on the webinar!